Rasablu the Evil Hypnotist
by MedievalPrince123
Summary: Bowser thinks he's a girl. Mario is now evil. Luigi won't come out of the closet. Someone becomes a prostitute. What's next? Who can stop this mad magician?
1. Chapter 1 Rasablu & Baba

**Rasablu the Evil Hypnotist**

Note: I don't own anything related to the Mario series.

I got this random idea and I decided to run with it… so enjoy!

Chapter 1_ – Rasablu & Baba_

It was a dark and gloomy day in Mushroom Kingdom. Mario was expecting Bowser to come up with another of his crazy schemes… but what he didn't know was that another evil doer was already brewing mischief on a whole other level.

In the opposite world of Sarasaland, Daisy's ruling kingdom, Rasablu was in his evil castle. Rasablu had the appearance of a taller than average toad, but he was so much more. He had a French-sounding accent that added to his character and a moustache to match. Rasablu wore a blue coat with red stars and a top hat that was too big for his head, making him appear comical. But make not mistakes; nothing was funny about this guy. Over his many years as a kooky magician, he had learned hundreds of spells, but his specialty was hypnosis. He could hypnotize anyone and everyone and force them to do wild crazy things.

"Baba! Where are you, you worzless servant!" He shouted from his laboratory. A meek looking, goomba-like creature hobbled into the lab. Baba was abandoned at an early age; he had several deformities including a bulging eye and a crippled leg that made him limp. Rasablu had found him at the peak of his loneliness and convinced him to turn to evil and get revenge on the cruel world that left him all alone. Baba was so lost and confused he joined Rasablu, only to be treated as a slave.

"Y-yes, master?" Baba hesitantly asked.

"Bring me my crystal ball… I want to see what is happening in Mushroom Kingdom."

Baba silently grabbed the ball off a shelf and brought it to his leader. After a few magic words, Rasablu brought the magical ball to life. He could see Mario and Peach playing a game of Mario Party with some of their friends.

"Eck, games sicken me… look at ze way zey laugh, so full of joy, so carefree. Zis is a disgrace! Where is zat damn Bowser, he has nozing better to do zan cause havoc… so why is he not doing it?" He looked to the shivering Baba as if he knew the answer, the poor creature's eyes filled up with tears.

"Oh stop your whimpering, Baba! I know you are disgraced by zis as well. We shall see what Bowser is doing." He rubbed the crystal ball and the image of a sleeping Bowser appeared. "Zat lazy turtle! We shall change zis immediately… Baba!"

"I'm right here, s-sir."

Rasablu laughed as he looked down at him. "Oh yes, I forgot. Go get ze warp pipe ready. _We_ are going to take matters into our own hands! Muhahahahaha!" After a few minutes of eccentric laughter he looked down to Baba who had a look of fear on his face.

"Laugh with me, you idiot!"

"Ha, ha, ha?"

Rasablu kicked him. "Zat was pathetic, hurry up and get ze pipe ready! We shall see how cheery Mario will be after I get zrough with him!"

Meanwhile, Mario and company were having a grand 'ol time.

"Your turn, baby." He said to his long time girlfriend Peach.

"Oh, right." She rolled the dice and got a six. "Oh no, a Bowser space."

Luigi piped up. "Well, at least it isn't the real Bowser."

She drew a card from the Bowser pile and read it aloud. "Ha, it's me Bowser. You now have to take off all your clothes. Wha-?" She looked around the room and noticed Wario smirking and shook her head.

"Did you right that, perv?" Mario asked him.

Wario let out a long laugh. "Guilty as charged."

"You pig."

The sky suddenly turned a dark green. "Um… guys? Look out the window!" Toad shouted. All the players turned to see a hole in the clouds and a blinding flash of light. After the light was gone, a tall toad flying on a broom was spotted along with a goomba in a bucket. "Who on Earth is that?" But they didn't have much time to study the figure as it was gone in a few seconds.

_Meanwhile…_

There was a sudden knock on the door of Bowser's keep. The security cameras couldn't make out the figures, both in long dark capes, and so a koopa opened it. "Who the hell are you two?"

Rasablu looked up as he pull off the hood of his cape. "Rasablu… but its not like you will remember it anyway." The koopa gave him a confused look as Rasablu pulled some dust out of his pocket. "Goodnight." He blew the dust into the koopa's face and automatically the koopa passed out on the floor in a deep sleep. "Hurry Baba, we don't have much time before reinforcements are sent." He rubbed invisible cream over the koopa's body so no one would find him and they quickly made their way down the great hall. With a snap of his finger Rasablu and Baba turned into koopas, complete with armor. "Follow me you stupid fool." He whispered to Baba.

They finally made their way to the dining room, putting anyone in their way to sleep. They burst in as Bowser stuffed a chicken wing in his mouth. Kammy Koopa rushed over to them. "What are you idiots doing in here! The royal Bowser is eating his supper! No one is allowed to disturb him!" Kammy raised her broom to smack them but froze in mid-swing.

"Oh shut up." Rasablu simply said to her.

Bowser spit out the chicken he was working on. "You must have a death wish or something."

"Bowser, you worthless reptile, I suggest you stay in zat chair or I'll make you. My freezing spell is quite effective…" He pointed to Kammy Koopa. "As you can already tell."

Bowser's anger heated up. No one had _ever_ talked to him like that, and he had never felt more humiliated and disrespected. He let out a loud roar and jumped on top of the table, crushing it underneath his weight, wasting no time to charge these intruders. Baba passed out and Rasablu stood his ground.

"I told you not to get up, didn't I?" He waited until Bowser's snarling teeth were mere inches away from his face until he lifted him into the air with his magic. "Now Bowser, I could kill you right now."

Bowser actually got scared, I mean he had never floated before; he could barely jump off the ground let alone fly. It was intimidating and enjoyable at the same time. "Wh-what do you want?" He managed to muster.

Rasablu laughed. "Just a simple minute of your time."

_Back at the palace…_

"Wow that was a fun game. We should do this more often." Luigi exclaimed as he walked out of the castle door.

Peach giggled. "Yea, we should. See you guys later!" She waved to DK, Wario, Daisy, and Toad as they left, standing in the doorway as she gave Luigi and Mario a longer goodbye.

"Well, I guess I'll go wait in the car… so you two can have a few minutes alone." Luigi stated as he walked over to their ride and got in. Mario kissed Peach on the cheek, not wanting to make a scene in front of his brother. A grin a mile-long filled Peach's luscious lips.

"I had a lot of fun today, but next time we should have a game of one on one." Mario whispered to her.

She gently kissed his ear and whispered back. "That sounds great." The sky lit up with lightening and thunder soon followed, making her jump. "Can I call you later if I get scared?" She winked at him.

"Yea baby, you know you can call me anytime."

HONK! HONK!

"Looks like Luigi is ready to go. I won't keep you any longer." She gave him a long kiss before she broke away. "See you tomorrow."

Mario frowned. "Ah yes, tomorrow… seems like a million years away." He slowly walked over to the car as he waved goodbye one last time. She blew him a kiss and he playfully caught it as he got in and drove away. She smiled to herself and closed the door as the rain began to come down hard. She gloomily looked out a window.

"Whoa, it sure is pouring out there." She walked to the kitchen and pulled out a tub of strawberry ice cream from the freezer. Another bolt of lightening revealed a familiar figure lurking outside the castle but she was too busy getting a spoon to notice. Her father walked into the kitchen and startled her.

"Sorry dear, I didn't mean to frighten you."

After a minute of letting her heart slow down she put on a smile. "It's alright daddy, going to bed?"

"Yes, I just came in here to get my goodnight kiss." He lovingly said to her as he walked over.

"Oh, daddy." She bent over and kissed him. He told her to hurry up and get in bed before he left for his room. She took a bite of her ice cream as she started turning all the lights off for bed. They had servants during the day to take care of things but all of them were dismissed in the evening, except for Toadsworth but he had the week off.

She quietly hummed to herself as she made sure all the doors were locked but stopped as a cracked door in the back came into view. Her heart began to race as she noticed a trail of muddy footprints. Peach followed them until she came upon Bowser sitting in a chair by a lit fireplace. The shadows played across his face like dancers, he didn't move as she entered the room though and appeared to not even notice her.

The princess felt a light sweat coming over her as she opened her mouth to scream, but her voice suddenly wouldn't work. Bowser appeared to have something red on his fingers, blood she assumed.

Suddenly Bowser charged her, his new blonde wig flowing as he ran. Our beloved princess closed her eyes and braced herself for the worst. "Hey girlfriend, wanna have a sleepover? We can paint each other's fingernails and watch Hilary Duff Toad movies all night long!" Then he let out a long girly giggle. The look on Peach's face was priceless.


	2. Chapter 2 Mario Too!

Chapter 2_ – Mario Too?_

Peach stared at Bowser for a few minutes, not exactly sure of what to say. Bowser noticed her ice cream and snatched it out of her hands.

"Can I have some? Strawberry is my absolute favorite!" He didn't wait for a reply and started chomping down.

"You must be joking, right?" It was then that she noticed the blonde hair on his head and what she thought was blood was actually red nail polish. Upon further inspection she noticed Bowser was completely in drag. Bright red Monroe-like lipstick, lip gloss, dark mascara, eye shadow, eyeliner, lip liner, foundation, blush… hell, he had on more makeup then the princess herself.

"Strawberry really is my favorite…" Bowser casually said between bites.

Peach couldn't help but laugh. "No, I mean… have you looked in a mirror lately?" She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

Bowser's face lit up with excitement. "I know, don't I look totally fabulous! Kam-Kam did it for me, she is such a doll. I didn't have any dresses though but yours is so cute! Can I borrow one?"

Peach's mouth dropped, she quickly looked around the room for a camera crew and Ashton Toad. "Hah, let me guess. I'm on some hidden camera show, right? And at any minute Ashton is gonna come out and say I've been punk'ed. Haha, nice try… I see right through your stupid little joke, and to be quite frank… this isn't funny, okay, yea it is." She started laughing hysterically as Bowser's eyes filled with tears.

"What are you talking about? You don't like my makeover? I thought you were my best friend." Bowser started bawling, causing his mascara to run.

Peach realized that this wasn't a joke, but something _was_ seriously wrong with Bowser. 'Okay, I don't know what's going on but I guess I'll play along with it.'

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean _that_, Bowser." She gently placed a hand on his shoulder and pulled a pink hanky from her cleavage, wiping away his tears and runny mascara.

Bowser lightly giggled his face full of an honest hope. "So you _do_ like it?"

"You look beautiful, Bowser!" Peach said in the most 'peachy' tone.

Bowser hugged her. "Aw, thanks, Peach. You're my best friend. But please, call me Bowsie." After a few seconds he released the embrace, much to Peach's delight because she was starting to become lightheaded from lack of oxygen.

Suddenly she really got into the idea of having Bowser as a friend and decided to go with it, joke or no joke. "I have a great idea!" She exclaimed with girly glee.

"Ooo, what is it?"

"Why don't we go upstairs to my room, light some scented candles, put on some jazz music, and run a big pink bubble bath in my Jacuzzi tub!"

Bowser… well, Bowsie, jumped with excitement. "Really?"

Peach nodded and grabbed his hand, leading him to her room.

_Meanwhile…_

"Ha, looks like my plan is working perfectly! Just look at Bowser, he really zinks he's a girl! Baba!" Rasablu exclaimed from a dark alleyway in Toad city, looking into his crystal ball.

"I-I'm right here, sir."

"Oh, I must stop doing zat then. How far away is Mario's home?"

Baba fumbled with a tourist map, Mario and Luigi's house was clearly pointed out on the map as an attraction to visit. "Um… just a little walk from here, master."

Rasablu looked down and kicked him. "Be more specific, maggot!"

Baba hobbled out of the shadows and looked down the street, the house just on the end. "It's right down there, sir!"

"Come here." Baba walked over to Rasablu and he smacked him in the face. "Do you want anyone to see you? Are you zat retarded? Do I have t-o s-p-e-a-k l-i-k-e z-i-s?"

Baba cowered on the ground. "Sorry, sir, it won't happen again."

"Good." Rasablu handed him a small vial and Baba blankly stared at it. "Drink it, you little-"

"Sorry…" Baba brought it to his lips and with some slight hesitation consumed the bitter-tasting concoction.

"For a short time you will appear normal so your ugly face won't draw attention to us." He brought a similar looking vial to his mouth and consumed it. To Baba's amazement he shrunk in size, down to the average toad's height. "Now follow me."

Rasablu and Baba casually made their way down the road; only a few toads were up at this hour and didn't even give them a second glance. They made their way to the Mario Brothers' doorstep and gently knocked. Rasablu quickly inhaled a potion that made his eyes well up as a groggy Luigi opened the door.

"Please kind sir, we have nowhere to go and it is freezing out in this rain. Can you take pity on a poor toad and his friend and allow us to borrow a blanket and perhaps maybe a morsel of food?" He asked, hiding his accent.

Luigi, the kind-hearted person he is, allowed them to come in. "Sure, but only for a minute, its awfully late."

A sly grin filled the disguised Rasablu's face as he made his way through the door. "Thank you, kind sir, thank you. Come along Boris, this kind man has allowed us into his home." Baba simply nodded and followed him in.

Luigi turned on the kitchen light and started rummaging through the cupboards. "We have some bread and meat; I could make you both a sandwich." He sympathetically offered the two visitors. Rasablu quietly crept behind him.

"Zat won't be necessary." He whispered. Luigi felt a light prick in his arm and looked down to see an empty syringe. He stumbled around for a minute as his vision became blurred. Luigi attempted to warn his sleeping brother but was on the floor unconscious in less than three seconds. "It isn't you we're after, my dear Luigi." He then looked over to his accomplice, Baba. "Put him in a closet or somezing while I deal wiz Mario."

The villain of our story walked into the Brothers' room and turned on the light.

Mario let out a sleepy moan. "Turn it off."

Rasablu imitated Luigi's voice. "Get up, you dumbass. Peach was kidnapped again." He quickly changed his voice again to Peach's. "No I wasn't. Shut up, Luigi. We both decided we want to have a threesome with you, so come on Mario, we know you want to." His voice changed once more to Bowser's. "Hey, don't forget about me!"

Mario immediately shot his eyes open and saw a tall figure, by now the potion had worn off. "Who are you?" His arms were suddenly pinned behind his back as he flew against the wall. He was too shocked to speak.

"Ze question shouldn't be who I am… but razer why I'm here." Rasablu tranquilly stated as he made his way over to our helpless hero. Mario struggled against the magical strongholds but it was no use.

"Bowser?"

"Please, don't make me laugh. Bowser is nozing. Your whole life you've been fighting all zese easy pushover bad guys and zought you were so big and strong. Bowser is nozing compared to me. _You_ are nozing compared to me. You are worzless and pazetic… but zat's all about to change." Rasablu brought his face directly in front of the pinned Mario, forcing him to look him in the eyes.

Mario suddenly felt lightheaded as thoughts he couldn't control popped into his brain… wicked thoughts. "What's happening to me?"

Rasablu smiled. "I'm giving you your dream. You always wanted to stop fighting Bowser and be left alone. Well now you will be… because _you_ are going to become ze new villain of Mushroom Kingdom. Everyone will tremble in fear over your name instead of praising it. Say goodbye to ze Mario you once were because I zink you've turned over a new leaf."

Mario was suddenly clothed in his traditional outfit… yet this time the overalls were as black as night and the normally red shirt and hat turned grey. His eyes changed from blue to ash as his heart did the same.

"Enjoy your last few seconds as good 'ol Mario… because you'll never see him again."

He fell to the floor as Rasablu released his invisible grip. Mario quickly huddled in the corner as the last bits of his mind corrupted into darkness. 'I'm sorry, Peach…' Was his last normal thought before it vanished along with the rest of them. The newly evil Mario fell into a bottomless slumber, full of nightmares of killings and destruction, but I guess those wouldn't be nightmares now.

"Sleep well, my little Mario." Rasablu said as he patted the top of his head. "Baba!"

"Sir, I'm right here."

"Oh, damn it you little pest. Next time make sure you are in some ozer room so you can come running… well hobbling. Did you deal wiz Luigi?"

"Yes sir." Baba then pointed to Luigi's bed where he peacefully laid.

Rasablu looked down and kicked him. "You idiot! Are you his mozer or somezing? What did I say? Can you even remember what I said five minutes ago?"

Baba had an extreme look of confusion on his face as he tried to remember what he was told. He dumbly shook his head.

"You really are worzless, you know zat? Let's take a look, shall we? Timeitis Bookitis!" Out of nowhere a floating Time Book appeared in Rasablu's hands. He flipped through the pages until he got to the point that happened five minutes ago and read it aloud. "Please kind sir, we have nowhere to go… blah, blah, blah… I could make you both a sandwich… blah, blah, blah… get up, you dumbass… oops, too far… ah, here it is and I quote; Put him in a closet. Does zat look like a closet to you?"

Baba shook his head yes but then quickly shook his head no and limped over to the bed and attempted to pick up Luigi… with no success may I add.

"Oh my god! Why do I even keep you around? Oh, zat's right… because I need someone to boss around to feel better about myself. Let me do it, you fool." Rasablu easily lifted Luigi off the bed with his powers and placed him in a nearby closet. He went over and placed a melting potion over the lock, melting the metal to where the door wouldn't open. "Ha, now zat'll take some work to get zat zing open."

"What about Mario?"

"What about him? He's already been hypnotized into evil… I don't care what he does now. Come along, Baba, we still have work to do."

_Back at the palace…_

Toadstool suddenly awoke as a crash of thunder sounded in the sky. But it wasn't the thunder that had awakened him. He kept hearing weird noises coming from his daughter's room. The old castle's air vents easily carried loud sounds across the entire place. He slowly got up from bed and grabbed his cane. "What on earth is she doing at this hour?" He muttered to himself as he made his way to her bedroom.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Toadstool waited a few minutes before entering after no response. Peach's room was a total mess – makeup everywhere, the TV on with 'A Cinderella Story' playing, pillows across the floor, chips crushed and ice cream melted into the carpet– nothing the way a princess's bedroom should look like. He heard muffled music and voices from the bathroom.

"Ooo, that's the spot, keep rubbing right there." A raspy voice exclaimed with a giggle.

Peach's giggle was heard back. "This is so much fun, more fun than I've ever had with Mario."

Toadstool's eyes widened as he opened the bathroom door. To his utter surprise he found Bowser and Peach in the tub together, both completely naked surrounded by candles, oils, and bubble bath. "Oh good Lord! Peach how could you? Mario loves you… and with Bowser?" Toadstool felt as if he was going to be sick as Peach and Bowser looked over at him.

"Daddy, its not what it looks like!" Peach tried to explain but was drowned out by her father's shouting.

"Not what it looks like? You were performing that dirty bathtub sex that these teenagers do these days… I saw it on CNN; they did a special about it. Oh, this is a disgrace. _With Bowser_? WITH BOWSER? BBBOOOWWWSSSEEERRR?" He suddenly grabbed his heart and started breathing heavily.

"Oh god, I think he's having a heart attack!" Peach screamed as she jumped out of the bath, buck naked.

Toadstool's eyes grew even wider as Peach blushed and grabbed a towel. "You bet I'm having a heart attack… after that who wouldn't have a heart attack?"

"Really, it was a harmless sleepover!" Bowser said, still sitting in the tub.

"Is that what you kids call it these days? A sleepover? Oh Lord, this is front page news… this is the crisis of the century." He then walked over and looked at the TV. "Oh god, Hilary Duff Toad too? That little whore… she corrupted your minds. I knew she was a Toad Disney slut the first minute I saw her!"

Peach finally had enough of her father's ranting as she ran over and smacked him across the face. "Get a hold of yourself! Nothing happened!" Her dad simply stared at her, shocked from the fact that she hit him and of course the fact he found her with Bowser, naked, in the bathtub together. Peach looked at her hand as tears filled her eyes. "Daddy… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you, it's just that nothing was going on between Bowsie and me."

Toadstool cocked an eyebrow. "Bowsie?"

Peach then lean forward and whispered in her father's ear. "Yea, he's gay... and he _really_ thinks he's a girl."

Toadstool breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good Lord, why didn't you say so in the first place? That changes everything."


	3. Chapter 3 Coming Out of the Closet

Chapter 3_ – Coming Out of the Closet, Pillow Fights, and Prostitutes_

The sun was rising as Luigi woke up. 'What happened last night?' He thought, trying to pull the memory from his brain with no luck. "What the hell am I doing in the closet?"

He quickly brought his hand to his mouth, covering it in shock. "Oh no, did I get drunk and play 15 minutes of heaven with Mario again?" He unexpectedly heard the voice of Parakarry.

"Special package for Luigi!" The mail koopa shouted as he walked around searching for him. He entered the Brothers' room. "Where are you guys?"

"I'm in here!" Luigi shouted from the closet as he tried the door handle with no success.

Parakarry made his way over toward him. "Oh, well I've got a big package for you if you'd come out of the closet."

"I can't come out." Luigi exclaimed in frustration as he pulled on the knob with all his might.

"Come on, Luigi, I don't have all day. Just come out of the closet."

"You don't understand, I can't!"

"Why not? I thought your Dad fixed that already."

Luigi banged on the door. "Well, it looks like he failed. Can you help me come out?"

Parakarry walked over to the closet and yanked on the handle. "I'll try but it looks like you have come out on your own."

"Don't tell anyone, they'll think I'm a wimp. That I'm not as good as Mario."

Parakarry sighed. "We both know that's not true. This is perfectly normal. If I was in the closet I wouldn't be able to come out either."

"That's easy for you to say, you're not in the closet!" Luigi yelled.

He took a few steps back from the door. "Look, if you're gonna be a queen bitch about it, you can stay in the damn closet!" Parakarry shouted back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to lose my temper. I'm just confused and angry. Go get some help."

Parakarry set the box on Luigi's bed. "Fine, I'll go find someone who can help you come out of the closet."

_Meanwhile…_

Rasablu and Baba had temporarily returned to Sarasaland to get some more supplies. They made a quick stop at their evil lair and then headed out for some breakfast. They were walking down the street, both in full disguise, when Rasablu bumped into Daisy.

"Watch where you're going, you little wench." Rasablu said to her.

Daisy's mouth dropped. "I beg your pardon?"

Baba quickly huddled behind Rasablu as he laughed. "Oh look who it is."

"You know who I am yet you proceed to treat me with such disrespect?" She questioned.

Rasablu's eyes gazed up and down at the princess. They stopped right on her chest. "What nice bosoms you have, your highness."

Daisy quickly covered them with her hand. "You nasty freak, I could have you arrested and I think I will." She was going to call over the royal police until Rasablu looked deep into her eyes.

"I don't zink you will."

Daisy suddenly spoke like a robot. "I think you're right."

"What I zink you want to do is have breakfast wiz us, am I right?"

"Yes, that's what I want to do."

"Perfect. Come along, Baba. Your hand, princess?" Rasablu reached out and grabbed Daisy's hand, leading his new victim.

_Back in Mushroom Kingdom…_

"Oh, that is such a good color on you." Peach exclaimed as she painted Bowser's fingernails. Right beside them Toadstool was crying.

"Why'd he have to die? They were supposed to be together forever. _Near, far, wherever you are I believe that the heart does go on_…"

"Daddy?"

Toadstool continued to sing quite poorly as he sobbed profoundly. "_Once more you open the door. And you're here in my heart and my heart will go on and on_…"

"Daddy!"

"_Love can touch us one time and last for a life time and never let go till we're gone_…"

"Daddy, it's only a damn movie!"

Toadstool quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. "I know… it's just that Titanic gets me every time."

Bowser smiled at him. "Are you sure you don't want us to paint your nails? That always makes me feel better."

He stood and grabbed his cane as he talked. "No thank you ladies. You two keep having fun. I've got kingly business to attend to. And I'll make sure _no one_ enters this room. If this got out it would be everywhere."

Peach smiled at her father. "Thanks daddy, for everything." He simply grinned and nodded as he left.

Bowser's face suddenly lit up. "You know who I think is super cute?"

"Who?"

"_Mario_! He is such a hunk and so brave."

Bowser had gone too far this time. 'He may be my new friend, but Mario's mine.' She thought. "Don't even go there, Bowsie."

Since Bowser had been hypnotized, he didn't even remember that Mario and Peach are together or the fact that he was their nemesis, even furthermore he had been hypnotized into believing Mario was the hottest guy on earth and Peach was his best friend. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"I think you know what I mean, bitch. If you even take a glance at Mario your ass is mine." Peach rapidly realized that she was talking to Bowser, who is a hundred times stronger than her.

Bowser got up and grabbed a pillow off her bed. "Is that so, you little whore? Grab a pillow, slut, we're gonna settle this right now."

The princess gave him a confused look but grabbed one none-the-less. "A pillow fight?"

"Yep, and I'll let you have the first shot."

Peach smiled. "Alright, here I come." She ran forward and attempted to hit Bowser in the face but he blocked her blow and she hit his hand instead.

Bowser yelled out in pain. "You little bitch! Look what you did; you made me break my nail." Bowser's eyes widened in anger as he charged her. "My turn!"

"DDDDAAAADDDDYYYY!"

_Back in the closet…_

Luigi was patiently waiting for Parakarry to return. He finally heard voices outside the door.

"Luigi, I've brought someone here who I think can help you come out of the closet."

He breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "Good, who is it?"

A small toad stepped forward. "Hi Luigi, I'm Dr. Toadson."

"I don't need a doctor! I need to come out of the closet!"

"Yes, we all know that. Dr. Toadson has brought his tools so he can get you out." Parakarry explained.

"Okay, hurry up and give me your big tool so I can come out of the closet."

The toad walked over to the door and put his hammer underneath the closet. Luigi quickly jerked it out of his hand. "Ouch, don't pull so hard."

Luigi spent several minutes bashing the door but it didn't budge. "This isn't working."

Parakarry shook his head as if he knew it wouldn't. "That's what I figured; I brought Manny the mechanic down here, too. He brought his blowtorch."

Luigi laughed. "Alright, that's what I'm talking about. Hurry up and blow me so I can come out of the closet."

The koopa stepped up to the door and put on his protective mask. He warned Luigi to step back before he turned on the blowtorch. The red-blue flames slowly melted the metal lock. "Looks like this is going to do the trick. Can you come down to the car shop later and tell the boys I got you out of the closet?"

Luigi rolled his eyes. "Sure, I'll come down there and get a rim job or something."

_Earlier that day…_

Mario awakened refreshed and alive. "I feel absolutely evil. Ah, what a _beautiful_ feeling." He jumped up and headed out the door.

A little kid toad was eating an ice cream cone on the sidewalk. "Hiya, Mario!" Mario grinned wickedly as he took the ice cream cone from the child. "Come on, don't play around, Mario." The toad said with a laugh.

"Who's playing?" He then threw the ice cream in the middle of the street. "There you go, you little brat." The poor kid ran off crying.

A blind koopa was walking down the street with a cane. Mario went up and tapped him on the shoulders a few times before he took the cane and broke it over his knee. "Dogs are so much better, idiot! They can't break!" He laughed and threw the broken stick in the garbage.

"Oh, Mario, I'm so glad you're here." An old grandma toad exclaimed with delight. She pointed to a tree nearby. "Can you get my little Fluffy down from there?"

"Of course, ma'am." He walked over and shot a fireball at the kitten, it fell out of the tree running around on fire. "Don't thank me, it's my job."

Within the hour, Mario had disturbed almost everyone in Mushroom Kingdom. He went to the electric company and ripped out some of the wires causing a severe blackout in half the kingdom, broke seven fire hydrants which were now shooting water uncontrollably, flatten the tires of a short bus full of challenged children on their way to the zoo, ran naked in the local church during a wedding screaming 'They never last', and hurt countless civilians like the ones previously mentioned.

The police station was overflowing with complaints – Mario did _this_, Mario did _that_. The chief looked down at his papers. "They must have Mario mistaken with someone else. He would never…" He looked down at the files and read one. "…Poop on the bases at a little league game? Replace the heart medication at the retirement home with Viagra? Sleep with my wife? WHAT?" He quickly called his spouse and she told him it was true. "I guess I have no choice… Mario is number one on the most wanted list starting immediately."

_Back at the palace…_

Toadstool rushed into Peach's room with a look of distress on his face, just in time to save her from Bowser's wrath. "You two stop playing around. Take a look at this." He dashed over to her TV and turned to CNN.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We have breaking news this evening about Mario. Barbara Walters T. is live from Mushroom Kingdom to bring you the latest. Barbara?"

"Thank you, Robert. I'm here with the police chief who has just put Mario on the most wanted list, even more he's at the very top. But before we get to him, let's take a look at footage from just minutes ago."

The screen then showed Mario peeing on a dog. "You like to piss on everything, mutt? Well how does it feel to be pissed on?" He laughed as he noticed the camera. "You BLEEPing recording me? BLEEPing awesome. I guess I can take this BLEEPing time to tell everyone in this BLEEPing Mushroom Kingdom that I'm BLEEPing pure evil. BLEEPing Bowser has nothing on me. Did he ever BLEEPing pee on a BLEEPing dog or light a BLEEPing cat on BLEEPing fire? I don't BLEEPing think so. So beware, cause I might BLEEPing be behind you. You just BLEEPing looked, didn't you? Ha, it's already BLEEPing working." He finished peeing and ran off into an alleyway. The TV then went back to Walters.

"Wow, what a BLEEP." Barbara shouted. "I mean… well, anyway, we have J. Edgar Toad here, head of police. Is this the real Mario?"

The chief nodded his head. "We have every reason to believe so; the only difference is the color in his clothes. But eye-witnesses have stated they saw him leaving his home."

"What about Luigi?"

"Oh, he won't come out of the closet."

Barbara looked to the camera and smiled. "Well, there you have it. Mario is now the new villain of Mushroom Kingdom. A reward has been posted for him, dead or alive, at 500,000 coins. I'm Barbara Walters T. here live from police headquarters, back to you Robert."

Peach walked over to the TV and turned it off. "That can't be Mario, it just can't be."

Bowser licked his mouth. "Mmm, now he's a bad boy."

Toadstool shuddered as Peach glared at Bowser. "The proof is in the pudding. It's him."

Peach looked to the floor, tears filling her eyes. "What are we going to do?"

_In Rasablu's evil hideout…_

He was laughing violently. "Mushroom Kingdom is totally turned upside down. Baba, come take a look at zis. Baba!" There was no response. "Baba come here, you worzless piece of shit!"

Baba came limping over to him. "Yes, master?"

"Where ze hell were you?"

Baba actually had obeyed for once in his life. "I thought you told me–"

Rasablu looked down and kicked him. "Next time be by my side, you twit. Just take a look at all of ze despair. Isn't it wonderful?"

"Yes."

"I can't wait till I come up wiz somezing else."

Baba hesitated before speaking. "Sir, do you think we should have done _that_ to Daisy?"

Rasablu slapped him. "I'm ze brain around here, you remember zat. Of course, zat little bitch deserved it."

"But won't people be looking for her?"

Rasablu chuckled. "Let zem look, I'd love to see ze surprise written on zeir faces when zey find her. In fact, let's take a look at her progress right now…" He looked into his crystal ball as the image of Daisy appeared.

_On a street corner in Mushroom Kingdom…_

Luigi had finally gotten out of the closet. He was looking for Mario when he stumbled upon Daisy. "Daisy, what are you doing here?" He approached her closer and saw she had tight orange pants on and an orange top that showed way too much cleavage.

Daisy put out the cigarette she was working on and smiled at him. "Hey there, big boy."

His eyes widened. "What the hell are you wearing? What is wrong with you?"

She seductively licked her lips. "You like? What's your name, honey?"

Luigi practically yelled at her. "It's me, Luigi! What's gotten into you?"

She lifted her eyebrows full of intrigue. "Ooo, one of the Mario Brothers. I can give _you_ a discount."

"A discount?"

Daisy grabbed his hand and led him into a dark spot as she placed her finger over his mouth. "Shh, don't be so loud. Sure, for you its _only_ 50,000 for the whole package, 25,000 for just my mouth, and 10,000 for just my hand."

Luigi shook her slightly. "Daisy, I'm your boyfriend. Why are you treating me like a stranger?"

"If you want it _that_ serious, it's gonna cost you big time."

He spread out his words to emphasize as he spoke. "Cost me? What are you talking about? Pay for what?"

Daisy gave him a look that spoke volumes. "Are you really that stupid or are you playing dumb. I'm an escort."

"Escort?"

"I'm a damn prostitute! You pay me and I give you sex. God, it's not that hard."

Luigi was silent for a moment.

"_So_, what do you say? Wanna get freaky with me tonight?"

"Mama-mia!" He simply shouted and fainted.

Daisy looked around before she bent over and started searching through his pockets. "Too bad, you looked like a decent guy." She stole his wallet and ran off as Mario approached.

"Well, well, look what we have here. Howdy, bro." He picked up his unconscious brother and placed him over his shoulder. "Let's have some fun."


	4. Chapter 4 Sausage Anyone?

Note: Sorry for the delay, I had extreme writer's block. I've also been trying to work on my other story "Mario Competes in a Game Show". You should check it out. ;)

Chapter 4_ – Sausage Anyone?_

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. And welcome to the 239th annual Academy Awards. Brought to you by Mushroom-Vision, the high definition of TV tomorrow… today! And here's your host, Mario!"

There was applause from the audience yet no one came out.

"Mario!" A technician ran over to the announcer and handed her a small envelope. She grinned nervously to the camera and opened it. "Dear Academy, I regret to inform you that I will not be able to attend your piece of shit show. I got a million BLEEPing better things to do. You're damn show is nothing but a BLEEPing joke full of BLEEPing old assholes and people who can't BLEEPing act…"

The director from the technical booth was going crazy. "Get that dumb bitch off the stage…go to a commercial! Go to a commercial!"

At home millions of toads were watching.

"What does BLEEP mean, mommy?"

The mother toad quickly reached over and slapped her young son. "Don't you ever say that again."

"But Mario said it."

Back at the award ceremony the lights went out and after a few minutes came back on. Luigi was in the middle of the stage unconscious and buck-naked, a rope tied around his hands and attached to a pole above the stage held him up, with an arrow on his stomach pointing down with "I'm Italian, can't you tell? Anyone want a sausage?" written on his chest.

The director nearly fainted. "What the F–"

From the rafters above the stage Mario jumped down, laughing all the way. "I decided that Luigi could take my place as host this evening, even though my sausage is bigger." He grinned wickedly and blew a kiss to one of the best actress nominees. "Have a good BLEEPing evening." Mario said and then dashed off as security ran after him.

The flabbergasted announcer looked to the camera. "I think we're going to a break, stay tuned for the best supporting actress award. Here at the 239th Annual Academy Awards."

_At the palace_…

"Poor Luigi… I must admit though, Mario _is_ bigger." Peach casually stated and quickly looked around blushing. "I mean…"

Bowser winked at her. "It's alright Peach; we all knew you and him were hitting the sheets a long time ago."

Peach cleared her throat and nodded her head toward her father.

Toadstool simply hung his head. "No need to worry, I figured as much. I might be old but I'm not stupid. He's been the only one, right?"

She nodded her head. 'That's what you think…okay, I'm not a slut but I like my men… and there was that one time with Wario but I was so drunk at the Christmas party last year…' Peach's thoughts tumbled in her mind.

"What are we going to do about Mario though?" Bowser questioned.

Toadstool shook his head. "I don't know. The police are looking for him I guess there's nothing we can do."

Bower's face suddenly perked up. "We can use Peach as bait… he'll fall right into our trap if she could lure him in."

"Dammit, bitch. Why does everything have to be me? I mean you always used to kidnap me and shit." The princess disgustedly said to him.

"What are you talking about? Kidnap you?"

Peach rolled her eyes. "Cut the playing dumb shit. I know you're gay and that's fine but you're not a girl, okay? And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about!"

His eyes filled with tears. "But I don't know what you're talking about! Fine I'll just leave you alone forever!" Bower stormed toward the door and paused when he reached the doorway. "I didn't want to be your damn friend anyway!" He ran off and out of the castle before Peach could stop him.

Toadstool looked to her. "Now look what you did. There's nothing more dangerous than a gay man scorned."

Peach ran to her window and watched him go. She felt like crying but nothing came out. "Someone needed to set him straight."

_Meanwhile…_

Luigi had awoken in the police station wearing the orange inmate jumpsuit. 'What am I doing here? Oh no, did I get drunk and go hit mailboxes with Mario again?'

An officer walked over to the cell and unlocked it. "Luigi, the chief is waiting to interrogate you. Please follow me."

Luigi got off the stiff bed and followed the officer. "Can you tell me what I did?"

"The chief will tell you everything you need to know. Would you like a banana?" The officer asked with a smirk.

"No thanks."

"A sausage?" The officer continued with a laugh.

Luigi gave him a funny look. "No thank you."

The officer could barely hold back his laughter with the last one. "A foot-long hot dog?" He burst out laughing. "More like a six inch sub for you."

"What the hell is your problem?"

He didn't reply but simply kept laughing as he opened the door to the interrogation room and pointed inside. Luigi entered and found the chief sitting in a chair. He sat in the chair across from him.

The chief stood and looked him over a few times before speaking. "Would you like a fag?"

Luigi looked to him, his eyes wide. "A what?"

"You know, a fag." He replied with a grin as he held up a pack of cigarettes. "That's what they call 'em in Sarasaland. Do you want a smoke?"

He shook his head. "No thanks, I don't smoke."

The chief nodded as he lit one and took a puff. "Do you know why you're in here, son?"

"Honestly? No sir. I have no idea."

He turned on a tape recorder and sat down. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Luigi thought for a few seconds. "Um… let's see. I was in the closet for a while…"

The chief interrupted him. "I don't need your life story, son."

"No, that just happened today or yesterday."

He raised his eyebrows. "Okay, whatever you say, son. Tell me what else you remember."

"I came out of the closet and…"

The chief grinned at him. "Good for you. I know that must have been hard."

Luigi gave a long sigh. "You have no idea."

The chief winked and placed his hand on Luigi's. "Oh yes I do, son. I'm still in the closet."

He gave him a look of repulsion. "Whoa, that's not what I meant."

"It's alright; I understand it's perfectly okay. My wife has no idea. Just continue with what you remember."

Luigi felt like he was going to vomit. "Uh… like I was saying, I came out of the closet and then I left my house. I saw Daisy on the street, yes now I remember!"

"And what was Daisy doing, son?"

He looked around and whispered. "I'd rather not say."

The chief chuckled. "Would you rather go to jail?"

"No sir. She was, um, just standing on the street corner."

"Just standing there?"

"Okay, I'll confess! She was selling herself! Oh Daisy, I'm sorry." Luigi hung his head in shame.

"Selling herself? Like a maid?" The chief asked.

"What do you think? No, not like a maid like a prostitute!"

The chief was clearly surprised. "I see and for the record what street was this?"

"Main Street."

He nodded and paused the recorder. "And where exactly?"

Luigi shrugged his shoulders. "I think it was the alleyway between Chef Torte's café and the little bookstore right there."

"What was her price?" The chief asked as he pulled a notepad from his pocket.

"Is that really necessary?"

He put on the most serious face he could muster. "Absolutely, it will help determine her location by asking residents around the area. Now what was the price?"

"I don't really remember, I think it was something like 50,000 coins."

The chief smiled and muttered to himself. "Just in my price range."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, nothing. Is that all you remember?"

"Yes, that's it until I woke up here." Luigi said with a frown.

"I see. Well, let me fill you in…"

_In Rasablu's lair…_

"Well zat was quite a show opener! Good job, Mario!" He turned off the television and reached for his cape. "Baba!"

"Yes, sir?"

Rasablu looked down and slapped him simply for the sake of slapping him. "We have more work to do. I'm bored and I must put someone else under my spell. Any ideas?"

Poor Baba hesitated and was going to reply until Rasablu kicked him.

"Zat was rhetorical, idiot. Come along, Baba."

They warped to Mushroom Kingdom in search of a new victim.

_Meanwhile…_

Bowser made his way down Main Street, his eyes full of tears.

"Ah, what's the matter big boy?" Daisy asked him from an alleyway.

He quickly turned and let out a low growl. "Who's there?"

Daisy jumped and emerged from the shadows in her usual tight outfit. "No need to get upset. It's only me." She winked as she approached him. "Why don't you let me turn that frown upside down?" She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

Bowser ripped his arm away from her grip. "I'm not a lesbian…I'm not interested in what you have to offer."

Daisy gave him a look that spoke volumes. "_Right_…what are you then?"

He started crying profoundly, resting his head on Daisy's shoulder. "I'm a girl like you. You believe me right?"

The princess looked around for a moment. "Sure, yea I believe you." She said in a semi-sarcastic tone.

"I'm just so lost… I have no one and nowhere to turn to."

Daisy's face filled with delight as she got a wicked idea. "How 'bout we talk for a few minutes."

_Back at the palace…_

Peach had gone to bed early for the evening. She was exhausted from all the crisis going on around her.

There was a knock on the door to the castle. Toadstool, who was fixing to go to bed himself, looked to a clock. "Who could that be at this hour?" He approached the door and opened it.

Rasablu grinned as the king of Mushroom Kingdom came into view. "Good evening, your majesty." He said mockingly.

"Can I help you?"

The evil hypnotist nodded. "Of course, you're just ze person I wanted to see." He lifted Toadstool in the air and entered the castle. "Baba, close ze damn door."

_At the police station…_

"On national television?" Luigi asked in disbelief.

The chief nodded. "I'm sorry son, but yes."

Luigi felt as if he was going to cry. "So everyone who was watching the broadcast… everyone in Mushroom Kingdom… saw mini-Luigi?"

"I'm afraid so."

Luigi shut his eyes, trying to imagine this was a nightmare and any second he would awake. "What are my charges?"

The chief placed his hand on Luigi's shoulder. "Well, since you had no choice… we can't charge you with anything. You're free to go."

His eyes shot open and he looked toward the officer. "Really?"

The chief nodded and pointed to the door. "Really…but here's my card, give me a call sometime." He said with a wink.

Luigi quickly got up and walked toward the door, the chief slapping his ass as he walked by.

_Meanwhile…_

Peach was awakened by a pawing at her door. 'We don't have cat.' She thought as she got out of bed. "Hold on a second."

The pawing continued.

"I said hold on, bitch." She walked over to her door and opened it, there was a sudden brushing against her leg. Peach looked down to see her father. "Daddy?"

He simply continued to rub his face against her leg. "Meow."

"What are you doing?" She asked as she squatted beside him.

"Meow. Purrrrrr." He raised his hands and put them on her legs. She reached down and patted his head.

"Very funny…now get off the floor its not good for your back."

He seemed to ignore her and jumped onto her bed rolling around. "Meow, meow."

Peach shook her head. 'I cannot believe this. What the hell is going on?' She quickly brought her hand to her mouth. 'First Bowser thinks he's a girl, then Mario turns evil, and now my father is a damn cat. They must be related somehow.' She rushed over to him. "Dad, who did this to you?"

"Meow?"

"Bullshit, this is no use. I'm too tired to think about this now." She slipped beneath her sheets, patting the spot beside her. "Come here, kitty." Her father crawled over to her, resting his head on her leg. She began to pet him with a smile. "Good, kitty."

_Outside of the police station…_

Luigi called a cab service as he watched the chief get into a squad car and pull away. The taxi pulled up five minutes later and he told the driver the address of his home. After a few jokes about earlier that evening at the Academy Awards, the cab was in sight of his house. Luigi looked out the window and saw Daisy, Bowser, and the police chief.

"Stop the car." Luigi almost shouted.

The driver shrugged and pulled over. Luigi rushed out of the car and hid behind a garbage can.

"So how much is it, pretty lady?"

Luigi heard the voice of the chief as he watched.

Daisy grinned. "Well, since you are the police chief I guess I can give you a discount. Only 50,000 for the whole package… and for 10,000 more my friend here can join us."

To Luigi's disbelief Daisy pointed to Bowser who was dressed in black fishnet stockings, a snakeskin skirt, and a pink shirt that read "I'm Easy".

"Is that Bowser? That's always been a fantasy of mine…" The chief asked.

"Looks like it's your lucky day because it sure is. He just joined the team about an hour ago and he's great at giving…"

Luigi slipped and fell out from behind the trashcan.

The three others quickly turned to see him. Bowser was the first to speak. "Hey there, I could go for an orgy what do you say?"

His mouth dropped. "What is the world coming to?"

Daisy gave him a warm smile. "Look who it is. You're not gonna faint again are you?"

"No…but I think I'm going to throw up." He ran toward the cab and jumped in. "Drive, drive!"

The chief laughed as the car pulled away. "What a pussy."


	5. Chapter 5 Peach is Such a Slut

Note: Once again I apologize for the delay, I've been busy with theater and I have two plays that are going on at the same time so you can just imagine how busy I've been. Enjoy!

_Chapter 5 – Peach is Such a Slut_

Peach groggily opened her eyes and turned to look at the clock on her nightstand. 'Three in the morning? God, I have to get back to sleep.' She looked down at the end of her bed and there laid her father, sleeping in a curled up ball and she couldn't help but smile. 'He makes such a cute cat.' She shook her head a few times. 'What the hell am I saying? I have to find the damn weirdo who's doing this and stop him!'

She looked up at the window and followed the beams of moonlight snaking their way through her room until her eyes found a mysterious figure in the doorway. She gasped and quickly pulled her sheets up to cover herself. "Wh-who the hell are you? Get out! I'll scream, I'll kick, I'll punch, I'll hit…"

She was quickly interrupted. "I get the point, but it's just me, Mario." He slowly entered the room.

Peach first felt relief but then another jolt of fear flew through her body, she knew this _wasn't_ Mario, well, at least the Mario she once knew. "What's happened to you?"

"Hah, I thought you always wanted a bad boy… to give you a little spanking every now and then." Mario jumped onto the bed, his legs straddling her own.

She looked away from him; a slight smile that she tried to stop filled her face. "We both know this isn't you."

Mario fell to his knees, pinning down her legs as he grabbed her hands and pulled her arms above her head. "Admit it, you know you like it." He whispered in her ear, smelling her sweet scent.

A giggle escaped her lips as she tried to portray disgust. "Mario, please stop."

He lean forward and roughly kissed her neck. "Oh come on, you slut, just pretend like it's the Christmas party last year, you know, inside the coat closet."

Peach's thoughts filled her mind. 'Wow, I must have been really wasted at that party… I slept with Wario _and_ Mario. God, I'm such a little skank.'

"What's the matter cat got your tongue? Maybe I should steal it from him." He moved his kisses slowly toward her mouth.

'Cat got your tongue…' She repeated in her head. 'Cat? Holy shit, my dad!' Her eyes darted over to her father who was now intently watching them. Peach struggled beneath Mario's kiss and grip but it was no use.

Luckily, he pulled back for a moment. "What's wrong with you?" He noticed her wide eyes and turned. "What the hell? Is your dad some pedophile? Does he get off on watching you? That sick bastard, he probably has some cameras in here right now."

She rolled her eyes. "No, no, it's not like that at all."

"Well, he sure is watching pretty hard."

Peach gave a long sigh. "He's a cat."

Mario laughed. "I thought they called men like him pigs."

"Shut up, Mario, and listen. He thinks he's a cat, literally. He's under some spell or something…" She muttered the last bit. "…just like you."

A small meow came from Toadstool as Mario burst into a roaring laughter. He then noticed the serious look on Peach's face. "You're not kidding, are you?"

"Well, see for yourself."

Toadstool began rolling around on the bed, purring and meowing. Mario simply shrugged his shoulders and continued to kiss her.

This time she really was disgusted. "Mario what the fuck are you doing? Get _him_ out of here!"

An evil grin filled his lips. "He's just a cat, right?"

"Mario! No, no, please!"

"Why, Peach? Are you asking for more? Peach! Yes, yes, please." He mockingly said and proceeded to disrobe her.

_Meanwhile…_

Luigi couldn't sleep if he wanted to. He had no one to turn to, I mean imagine seeing your girlfriend offering sex to the police chief who just hit on you after arresting you for being naked on nation television because your brother turned evil and Bowser who is supposed to be the evil one was right there with Daisy wearing a shirt that said he was easy and Peach…

'Wait a minute.' He thought. 'Peach! I have to go see Peach! She's the only one left! I know it's late but she'll understand after I tell her everything."

He jumped into his car and raced over to the palace. Jumping out of the driver's seat and running to the door, banging on it hard a few times. He didn't wait for a response but dashed inside, looking around for a moment before he leaped up the stairs. "Peach! Peach? I'm sorry, I know it's late but I have to talk to you." He made his way to her door, hearing moaning noises from inside, he slowly opened it. "Peach…?"

As you may have guessed, he found the princess and his brother in a compromising position. His face filled with repulsion yet at the same time with intrigue. "Ew… wow, I've never seen that one before. How do you do _that_? You've got to teach me. I mean… why???" He noticed Toadstool sitting on the bed watching. "Gross! While your father watched? Omigod, am I the only clean and sane person in this world? Does that turn you on? Do you get super hard from someone watching you? Ugh, you're probably getting even more excited from me watching!"

_Back at the Mario residence…_

"Come along, Baba! Zat zing isn't even heavy!" Rasablu shouted as he walked to the front door.

"B-but sir, why do we need this anyway?"

Rasablu turned around and kicked him. "Why do you ask questions, you fool? I've already told you a million times. I want to try my transformation machine. Who better to try it on zen ze only remaining Mario brozer! Do you want me to try it on you?"

Baba cowered to the ground. "No sir! P-please sir, I'm sorry I won't ask questions."

He smiled in delight. "Good, zat's what I wanted to hear. Come around back, I can't see a damn zing!"

The evil duo made their way around the house checking all of the windows and seeing nothing.

Rasablu nodded to himself as if he knew this was going to happen. "Damn! Ze one time I want to use my new invention and no one is here! I guess zat means we have to wait. Baba, come here."

His meek servant set down the machine and walked over to him. "Y-yes sir?"

Rasablu quickly grabbed him and without a word threw him through a window.

Baba shouted as he broke through and got up once inside, dazed and confused. "What the hell was that for?"

"So you can open ze door for me." He replied with a laugh. Poor Baba wasn't fast enough and Rasablu opened it with his powers.

"If you could do that… why did you throw me through the damn window?" Baba screamed, his usual submissive behavior disappearing for a moment.

Rasablu shrugged his shoulders. "Oops, I forgot. You took too long anyway."

_On a deserted street…_

Bowser grinned as he pulled a small bag from his pocket and ran his fingers through his newly made coins. "Who knew making money would be this _easy_? And that police officer sure knew what he was doing… I still can't believe his wife joined us." He gave a little dance as he continued to talk to himself. "Daisy said if we can get just one gig a night we'll be set. Ooo, who knew life as a hoe would be so much fun?" He began to sing this little number as he giggled to himself.

_Ho, ho, hoe  
__Making some doe  
__Santa knew what he was sayin'  
__Using some different toys for playin'  
__Doesn't matter what I do  
__The guys like it and I do too  
__Me and Daisy make a great pair  
__Screwing strangers without a care  
__As long as they pay  
__They can have me all day  
__Every night  
__That's alright  
__Because I'm a ho, ho, hoe  
Just making some doe_

A drunkard sleeping on a bench nearby was watching this and through his haze actually thought Bowser was a girl. "Hey there, sweetie. Get yo fine ass over here."

Bowser flashed him a smile and a wink. 'Lucky me, another customer.'

_Meanwhile…_

Luigi cried the whole way home. He didn't even give Mario or Peach the chance to explain, he just wanted to get out of there and be alone. "_Why_? What the hell is going on? Oh, god, oh Jesus, sweet baby Jesus. What am I going to do? All my friends have turned into bad guys… or prostitutes… or just sluts… or gay prostitutes… Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

Looks like someone needs to call the wahmbulance.

He continued to wallow in self pity as he pulled into his, and Mario's, driveway. Slamming his head down on the steering wheel and letting out a long sigh. "Ouch! That hurt. I'm such a damn idiot." He slowly got out of the car and entered his home.

Luigi was quickly met by Rasablu and Baba. "Hi there, weird man who's in my house and his homeless-looking friend." He cartoonishly said to them as he passed.

Rasablu rolled his eyes. "Finally you get here, I zought we'd have to wait all damn night."

The other hero of Mushroom Kingdom shook his head a few times to make sure he was seeing what he was. "Who are you?"

Our antagonist laughed and looked to Baba. "I seem to be getting zat question a lot lately. Why don't you just take a seat?" Rasablu said to him as he held out his arm and attempted to move him into the chair across the room… but to his surprise, nothing happened.

Luigi gave him a peculiar look. "No… I don't feel like sitting down, what I feel like doing is getting you two bozos out of my house."

"Bozos? Who even says zat anymore? Don't worry you shall be regretting zose words. Hmmm. Zat's odd. Let me try zis again." Rasablu said in frustration as he tried without any success to move Luigi across the room. This time he let out a shriek and turned to the cowering Baba. "What did you dooooo? Baba, zis is all your fault. You did somezing I know it! Why I oughta boil you alive and wear your skin as a winter coat!"

Luigi cleared his throat. "What are you talking about? I am still here if you've forgotten."

He simply ignored him and continued his attack on Baba who had nothing to do with it at all. "I knew from ze start you would try to sabotage me! Zat is ze last straw, you are own your own… I try to be nice to you, you idiot, but zen zis is how I'm repaid?" Out of anger he tried to use his powers and this time they worked perfectly, sending Baba across the room and knocking him out on contact.

Luigi tried to say something but it came out in stutters. "H-h-h-o-o-w d-d-d-d-i-i-d-d…"

"Zat's what I'm talking about. Now it's your turn. Muhahahahahhahahahaha!" After a chorus of unnecessary cackles he attempted to hurl Luigi into the wall and again it had no affect.

Luigi used this time to escape, running out the front door as Rasablu raced after him. "Mama-mia! Heeeeeeelllllllppppp!"

"Get back here you big-nosed, small-dick, loser-brozer!"

He stopped dead in his tracks turning around and giving Rasablu a traditional Mario brother head bonk. "I may have a big nose and I may have a small dick but I am not a loser!"

The blow to the head dizzied and dazed the evil magician for a few moments, just enough time for Luigi to escape to the castle.

_Several minutes later…_

Peach was sitting in her bedroom, restless after Mario's leave. Once Luigi barged in she made him go. The clock was just chiming four as Luigi entered her room yet again. She noticed that he was sweating and breathing like he had just ran a marathon and she had to admit he looked sexy, actually, she wanted to pounce on him the moment he entered the room. 'What is wrong with me? I'm a slut, that's final. I'm such a brazing huzzie. God, I cannot believe you, Peach, you nasty…'

Her self-scoldings were interrupted by Luigi's voice. "Peach! Peach! Thank god Mario is gone… but that's not why I'm here. I was attacked!"

"What do you mean?" She questioned.

"I left here and went to my house; this guy in a cape was waiting for me… him and some little scary dirty midget thingy. And, and, he flew the midget thingy across the room without laying a finger on him!"

Peach slowly got of her bed, pulling on a pink robe that flowed as she walked to him. "Are you sure?"

Luigi vigorously nodded his head. "Of course I'm sure! It's like he moved him with his mind or something!"

The pieces of the puzzle snapped together inside Peach's brain. "That has to be him!"

"Who?"

Peach explained her suspicions of Bowser, Mario, and Toadstool being transformed into the person, or animal in her dad's case, that they were now. She went on to say that she thought it must be witchcraft or mind powers and that had to be the person who tried to attack him.

Luigi's eyes filled with tears of relief. "Thank god, that means Daisy is perfectly fine."

This time it was Peach's turn to ask what he meant.

"I found Daisy and she was a prostitute and Bowser was with her and… I don't even want to think about that last part."

"Me neither. We have to find everyone and try to change them back…" She replied as she pointed to her father. "…well, my dad is right there. I don't think we should even try to find Mario at this point."

Luigi walked over to the window, looking out it as if Rasablu would appear any moment. "But what about Daisy and Bowser, where do we begin to look for them?"

Our princess cutely brought her hand to her chin in thought and began stroking it as if she had a beard. "If I was a whore where would I be… we have to check all the hotels, bars, street corners, and churches."

"Churches? Why…?" He replied with a slight chuckle.

"Well, you know those horny priests."

Luigi nodded in return. "Yea, but they usually just go for little boys."


	6. Chapter 6 Love Symbols

Note: No, I didn't forget about my reader's. :) Just sort of temporarily took a break. But I will try to release at least one chapter a month. Enjoy!

_Chapter 6 – Love Symbols_

It was a quarter till five as the still tipsy 'customer' emerged from behind a dumpster. "Thanks again, whore. I'll be sure to look out for you."

"The pleasure was all mine." Bowser retorted, rubbing his red lips.

"Hah, I'm sure." He drunkenly made his way down the street, leaving Bowser behind.

Bowser made his way back to the hotel he and Daisy were staying at, entering the room just as the sun began to rise.

"Long night?" Daisy asked, sitting in bed.

Bowser smiled gleefully. "Mmm, you have no idea."

"Oh yea? Yes, yes I do." She pointed to the man sleeping beside her.

"Did I interrupt you?"

Daisy shook her head. "Nah, we finished about fifteen minutes ago. He fell asleep right after, trust me it's gonna cost him."

_Not too long afterward…_

Luigi and Peach wasted no time in searching for the others. Putting off finding Mario for the moment considering he could be anywhere. As Peach suggested they searched the bars, the street corners, even the churches. Currently they were checking out the hotels, ending their search with the most prestigious one in town. The Toadmont "Fit For a King" or as they say in the commercials, but in this case fit for a prostitute.

Peach approached the front desk. "Excuse me."

The clerk greeted her with a polite smile. "Good morning, princess. Shall I reserve a room for you and Ma-" He looked behind her, seeing Luigi sitting in a lobby chair and suddenly lowered his voice. "For you and Luigi?" He asked with a hinting grin, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no, there's nothing between us." She replied with a giggle. "Um, actually I was looking for someone."

The clerk sighed, looking to the check-in journal. "You know I'm not allowed to release such information."

"I know, but it's very important. Would, uh, some coinage change your mind?" She slowly brought out a change purse, shaking it and letting the jingle ring in the room.

"Who are you looking for?"

Peach smiled, knowing that would do the trick. "Anything under Daisy?"

The clerk scanned the list, after a minute shaking his head. "No, I'm sorry."

"Damn, well, thank you anyway."

Luigi stopped her. "Do you honestly think she would reserve the room… especially under her own name?" He rolled his eyes at our blonde princess, turning to the clerk. "Did you see anyone dressed, um, shall we say loose?"

The clerk thought for a moment. "Yes, there was this one young lady with Mr. Jacobs a very rich man around these parts."

Luigi nodded in return. "This Mr. Jacobs… does he come here often?"

The clerk leaned forward, whispering to them. "Confidentially, yes he does. Usually with a new girl every weekend."

"That must be her." Peach exclaimed to Luigi.

He rolled his eyes in return. "Well, we have to make sure. Wouldn't it be just a little awkward if we barged in on them in some compromising position and it wasn't her at all?"

"Yea, I guess your right."

Luigi addressed the clerk. "Can you tell us anything else?"

"Um, sure. They arrived here only about an hour and a half ago. She was dressed in all orange. As a matter of fact, Mr. Jacobs didn't reserve the room at all. She did… early yesterday under the name of…" He glanced at the room journal. "Blossom, Cherri Blossom. She claimed to be on… business. If you ask me, she looked like a hoe. Very slutty and actually offered me, uh, how do I put this…"

Peach interrupted him. "We get the picture. See, I knew it was her."

"Can you give us the room number?" Luigi asked.

A sly smile filled the clerk's face. "Sure, right after I get my pay."

"The usual, I assume?" Peach questioned as she pulled out some coins and handed it to him.

"You know me too well." He replied as he took the money, glancing at the log book. "Hm, room 201. It's on the second floor."

_Meanwhile…_

Mario was doing some searching of his own. Searching for the perfect place he could claim as his new villain hideout. 'I know,' He thought evilly. 'That idiot Bowser is always coming after me, how about I come after him for a change. I'd love to see the look on his face when I barge in.'

He made his way to Bowser's fortress, knocking on the door. After waiting several minutes and receiving no response he tried the handle to find out it was unlocked.

"What a dumbass." Mario muttered to himself as he entered. "Hello? Anybody home? I got a delivery for a big stupid dinosaur." He laughed at his own joke as he made his way down the main corridor.

The hall was completely empty no soldiers, no security coming to stop him, no nothing.

"That's odd… maybe he's gone on vacation." Mario entered the dining room to find all of Bowser's men on the floor upon yoga mats.

Kammy Koopa was leading the bunch. "Now breathe in, breathe out. Feel the chi… let's start off with the praying mermaid."

Mario cleared his throat. "Um, am I interrupting something?"

Kammy turned to face him. "Come in, come in, you're just in time for yoga class."

"Yoga?" Mario asked with a chuckle.

Kammy nodded. "Oh yes, we always start off the day with yoga. It opens up the blood vessels and the lungs, gets the heart pumping and relaxes us. Isn't that right, girls?"

Everyone else agreed, most of them not female.

"Yea, whatever. Where's Bowser?" Mario asked.

She shrugged in return. "Bowser? You must mean Bowsie. We haven't seen her in a few days."

"Hehe, no I mean Bowser. Who the hell is Bowsie?"

Kammy looked to him as he was deranged. "Our leader… she is the absolute best. The other night we painted each others nails and then snacked on some chips and salsa while we watched 'The Notebook'. I cry every time. She was bawling like a baby. And then we talked about boys and who we thought was cute and if wanted to f–"

"Forget about it, obviously you have brain damage."

_In the 'real' bad guy's hideout…_

Rasablu was pacing back and forth, enraged over what had happened earlier. "Why ze hell did my powers not work on Luigi? Zey work on you…" He shouted as he pointed to Baba. "…But zey didn't work on ze person I wanted zem to work on. I just don't understand what went wrong."

He had Baba frantically searching through every book imaginable, trying to find some sort of clue why Luigi was somehow immune to his attacks. Baba stumbled across a page in one of the books. "Um… s-sir?"

"Yes, what is it, you buffoon?" Rasablu replied after an annoyed sigh.

Baba swallowed hard before continuing. "I-I think I might have found s-something."

Rasablu rolled his eyes. "What is it?" He snatched the book from Baba's hands, reading it aloud. "In rare occasions, an evil physic attack may be voided due to love."

Rasablu began to laugh hysterically. "LOVE? What ze hell?" After chuckling for a few continued minutes he returned his attention back to the book.

_If the person the attack is directed toward has a symbol of love on them, the attempted attack will not work. This symbol is most times something the person has received from a loved one. A pendant, a ring, a watch… it could be almost anything, as long as it was given out of love. Remember, as long as the person is wearing the love symbol, any and all physic attacks will be useless._

In other words, Rasablu was screwed. Although he was extremely potent with his hypnotism and other magical powers, his brute strength was comparable to that of a little girl.

"For once you did a good job, Baba." He stated and threw the book at him, hitting Baba square in the forehead.

He barely replied as he fell to the floor. "Thank you… sir."

_Back at the hotel…_

Our current dynamic duo, trying to save their friends and essentially all of Mushroom Kingdom, were on the elevator going up to the second floor. Peach looked over at Luigi's neck, noticing a chain. "What's that?" She asked.

He looked down to where she gestured, holding up a necklace with his initial hanging at the end. "Hm? Oh this? It was our first year anniversary present Daisy gave me. I never take it off, it means the world to me. She said as long as I was wearing it we would never be apart." His eyes begin to fill with tears at the thought of Daisy, and what she currently was.

Peach pulled a tissue from her cleavage, passing it to him. "Aw, don't cry. We're going to change her back and everything is going to be okay."

The elevator dinged as the doors opened and immediately they were met with shouts.

"What the fuck are you doing, you stupid bitch? Trying to steal money out of my wallet while I slept? You nasty piece of shit, I knew I shouldn't have slept with you!" An unknown man screamed.

Peach and Luigi quickly rushed over to room 201, the voices becoming louder as they approached. There was a muffled response before the man's voice was heard again.

"Don't talk to her like that? Who the hell are you, her stupid slut sidekick? …Wait, what are you doing? No, please, I'm sorry, I won't do it again, _oh god_…"

Luckily, Luigi and Peach weren't standing too close to the door because Mr. Jacobs came crashing through. The two of them looked from Mr. Jacobs's unconscious body back up to Bowser.

He snapped three times before speaking. "Don't chu mess wit me, and don't chu mess wit my girl."

Daisy was already dressed and had her single bag packed, stuffing his wallet inside along with her clothes. "Time to go." She exclaimed.

"Daisy, Bowsie, I'm so glad we found you girls." Peach said to them.

"Bowsie?" Luigi repeated to himself.

Daisy rolled her eyes. "Look, sweetheart, we don't have time to chat. The police will be here any minute now, and every second we waste is a second we can be out of here. Come on, B. Got everything?"

Bowser nodded, quickly following suit after Daisy began to pack her things. They rushed past Peach and Luigi.

"Wait we have to talk!" Luigi yelled to them as they boarded the elevator.

Daisy smirked. "Ya coming then?"

Luigi and Peach smiled at each other before they ran to the elevator, getting in just before the doors closed.

"What do you want, Peach? I thought you hated me." Bowser scornfully said to her.

She gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Bowsie, I don't hate you… now I understand what's happened to you."

Daisy looked to her with disgust on her face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's a long and complicated story." Luigi stated.

Peach's attention suddenly returned to Mr. Jacobs. "Is that man going to be alright?"

Bowser shrugged. "Oh yea, sure, he'll be fine. I didn't hit him that hard, did I?"

_Thirty minutes later…_

Televisions across the kingdom had the same news being read. "Breaking news at this hour, beloved activist Henry Jacobs was found murdered at the upscale hotel, the Toadmont, early this morning. Police who arrived first at the scene have labeled it as a 'fuck session' gone bad. Oops, did I really just say that on national television? Hey, I don't make the reports, I just read them. Mr. Jacobs's wallet was missing and there were seamen, urine, and fecal matter found on the bed sheets. Looks like he was having a good time with a kinky girl. There are currently no eye-witnesses though many staying on the same floor recall a vocal argument involving Mr. Jacobs. I'm Peter Jennings for ABD news and we will bring you current, up to the minute information on this developing story."

Mario clicked off his TV, giving a slight laugh. "Looks like he messed with the wrong whore."

After no luck in finding Bowser, he decided to return home to wait and see if Bowser would come after him. Mario had no luck there either, but someone did come looking for him.

"ATTENTION, MARIO, WE HAVE THE PLACE SURROUNDED, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" The police chief shouted into a megaphone.

Indeed they did, squad cars had every conceivable exit blocked. And knowing Mario could be armed, they had their weapons aimed and ready to fire.

Mario let out an annoyed sigh. "Ah, man, these idiots again?"

_Outside of the house…_

Luigi, Peach, Bowser, and Daisy approached. Bowser and Daisy wisely stayed hidden in some bushes while the other two went up to the chief.

"What's going on, officer?" Peach questioned.

He looked to her wide-eyed. "Your highness, you must leave the area immediately. Mario is inside and we are willing to stake out at least until lunch time to get him behind bars and safely away from the public."

The princess sighed deeply, knowing what had to be done. "Let me go inside and try to reason with him."

"No!" The police chief almost yelled in return. "He might use you as a hostage."

Peach quickly used her cunning manipulative skills. "I'll give you boys free donuts for a year."

He thought it over for a moment. "Jelly-filled?"

"Yummy, warm, juicy, succulent jelly-filled donuts." She replied, pushing her boobs up and licking her lips seductively.

The police chief looked to Luigi. "Is he part of the package?"

Luigi turned to Peach, shaking his head wildly. Peach looked back to the officer. "If you want him to be."

The chief nearly jumped in the air. "Boys, step down, Peach is going inside to talk to him and I don't wanna hear any lip about it."


End file.
